Part of me is happy but idk about the other part

What do you do when nothing is the same??? Im not trying to say Im not happy Im just confused on what I shoukd be feeling and what I shouldnt. Idk wtf Im saying?? Im just idk. Would it be wrong to think that someone I trust alot like I mean alot is lieing to me? I mean I dont wanna think this person is but I cant help but to think this person is.....idk....I wanna be happy....I mean part of me is happy. But I feel bad because the other part isnt. And I hate it. I feel like Im living like a lie. Nothing is right. And I always wanna break down and cry but I wouldnt do that in front of any of my friends. Not even my bestfriend, Because I already know what there gonna say. And I just wanna be happy. Idk? I miss the old days :(