I've been up all night, thinking about life. And i just realized something. Life isn't permanent so why am i taking it so seriously. I mean I make sure my boyfriends happy, my parents are happy, my friends are happy. But I never once in about 2years thought about what could make me happy. And then when I do thinking about what makes me happy and all the stuff that would make me happy...makes me feel like that stuff shouldn't be making me happy. That I should be happy that I got what I got now.
Sometimes I think about traveling. Just discovering all the other places in the world. Seeing what else is out there and seeing everything I could be missing out on. But I wanna do that but still have a place to come back to if its not everything I thought it'd be.
I guess I play it safe. And right now I'm just happy I'm not alone. I have someone that cares about me. And I have a few others that do to but probably wont admit to it.lol. Maybe one day I'll break outta my shell just to peak at what I could being missing.
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So im sitting here after listening to the maddness of last night. I truthfully want to say to you that I want you to dump him within the next 2 weeks, because what your going through is abuse. Mental abuse. I was listening and watching the whole arguement and frankly im pissed.
It's taking everything I have right now not to jump on him as he's asleep right now next to you, but because I have respect for you im not going to ask anything of you. This is really a lot worse than I thought it was. I've been here 3 days and he's threatend to kill himself over 5 times already. he's such a joke and your being not only abused, but taken advantage of. You both aren't in love with eachother, lets get real. people that love eachother dont say that their going to kill themselves because their significant other doesnt answer their calls. someone who loves you isn't going to lie to you and say that someone is following them when their walking somewhere just to see if you'll care.
I'm amazed and embarrassed that I even thought highly of him at this point. He needs help. And you can't give it to him. he needs a foundation that you just can not provide. I know you comfortable with him around, and I know you worry about him. but at this point your hurting him more by keeping him here.
Think about yourself for once in your life. If he can't handle me staying here for a little while, whats he gonna do when I have my own place and your over my place EVERYDAY??????
Your a smart girl, it may hurt but do whats right. for your own sake.
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